Posted on: August 10, 2011 3:14 pm

They're cheating, MLB team? Prove it. Or shut up.

Another day, another baseball team found guilty of cheating.

And by found guilty, I mean accused of cheating. Because let's be honest: That's all it takes anymore. If you're accused of cheating, well, it's like you did it. Now the onus is on you, Toronto Blue Jays, to prove you've not been cheating with some dude in white in center field. Just like the onus is on you, Milwaukee Brewers, to prove you've not been cheating with the lights in your scoreboard.

(The lights are not twinkling! I know Art, and thanks for noticing.)

Sorry. Love that movie.

But I hate these accusations, because they put the burden of proof on the accused -- and in the case of the accusation against Toronto, they were put there by some anonymous cowards on an unnamed American League team. New rule: If you're going to accuse another team of cheating, then put your name to it. Otherwise, shaddup.

Kudos to Cardinals manager Tony La Russa, I guess, for having the guts to accuse publicly the Brewers of cheating. But shame on him for just throwing it out there, like it's factual. If it's factual, La Russa, prove it.

Otherwise, shaddup.

Category: MLB
Posted on: February 23, 2011 4:59 pm
Edited on: February 24, 2011 8:16 am

Is Jonny Gomes a %#@*?

I'll be honest: I've been too happy lately. I wrote something happy on the Iowa boy-girl wrestling controversy. I wrote something happy on the Alabama-Auburn rivalry. Happy is good, but I need some anger every now and then.

So thank you, Jonny Gomes. You've made me angry. See also: disgusted.

Gomes is the idiot outfielder for the Reds who on Wednesday celebrated -- celebrated -- the season-ending, possibly career-ending elbow injury of Cardinals pitcher Adam Wainwright announced hours earlier.

According to our blog here, Gomes was walking through the clubhouse singing -- singing -- "Wainwright's gone, Wainwright's gone!"

That's the kind of thing a seventh-grader does and then is immediately, thoroughly and possibly painfully admonished by older teammates that you never, ever celebrate another player's injury.

Gomes is a big-leaguer. An adult. And he was surrounded, presumably, by other big-leaguers, other adults, in the Reds clubhouse. If any of those adults immediately, thoroughly and painfully told Gomes to shut the hell up, it wasn't reported in the blog.

So shame on Gomes, most of all. But shame on the Reds for not policing him right away. They'd better get on that, pronto, or this PR disaster will escalate.

Meantime, the Cardinals and Reds play on April 22 in Cincinnati. Gomes had better be in the lineup for Cincinnati, just to pay the price. And when he's hit with the first pitch he sees -- on the shoulder or leg, let's hope -- Gomes had better not even look at the mound or the Cardinals dugout.

Walk your ass to first base, Jonny Gomes, and do what you should have done Wednesday afternoon: Keep your mouth shut.

UPDATE, Wednesday 6:32 p.m. So apparently Gomes is now saying that he was misquoted. That he wasn't singing about Wainwright's injury, but that he was merely asking about it. Let me tell you something: He was heard, and quoted, BY A BLIND MAN. The reporter is Hal McCoy, a Hall of Famer to boot, who has been legally blind for years. And you know what happens with blind folks: Their sense of hearing goes through the roof. So am I to believe that McCoy's above-average hearing mistook Gomes' curious question for a happy song? No. I don't believe that, because while Jonny Gomes may well be an idiot, I'm not.

UPDATE, Thursday 8:14 a.m. Well, now the reporter who detailed Gomes' happiness -- Hal McCoy himself -- has removed that passage from his original report and apologized. McCoy now writes, "If [Gomes] says he was singing something else then I have to believe him and thoroughly regret writing about it." What a ridiculous story, from start to finish.

Category: MLB
Tags: Cardinals, Reds
Posted on: August 11, 2010 4:05 pm

Typical baseball fight: Everybody lost

Baseball players can't fight. Nor can they talk. And when they fight and then talk?


That's what Tuesday at Great American Catfight Park was: pathetic.

Brandon Phillips was pathetic for thinking he could tap Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina on the shinguards with his bat, one day after calling the Cardinals -- including Molina, presumably -- "bitches."

Cardinals manager Tony La Russa was pathetic for running out there in his baseball uniform, looking for all the world like my grandpa in pajamas, and talking tough.

Reds pitcher Johnny Cueto was pathetic for slashing out with his spikes -- literally turning his feet into a pair of churning knives -- as he was pushed up into the netting behind home plate.

And Cardinals pitcher Chris Carpenter was pathetic for saying afterward of Cueto's kicking, "It's unprofessional."

And what part of a baseball brawl is professional, Chris? See my point there? Idiot.

Baseball players can't fight. Period. And they shouldn't talk. Ever. Just play your 162 games, inject your steroids and shut the hell up.

Category: MLB
Tags: Cardinals, Reds
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