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Blog Entry

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

Posted on: November 14, 2011 6:43 am
 
CLAYSVILLE, Pa. -- This isn't for you. Feel free to read it, but I'm not writing for you. I'm writing for me, because I'm trying to get Jerry Sandusky out of my head, and maybe this will help.

Nothing else has helped. The Penn State-Nebraska game on Saturday didn't help. Putting State College in my rear-view mirror after that game didn't help. Checking into a hotel an hour down the road Saturday night and watching something other than college football didn't help. Reading? I read the twisted fiction of James Patterson. That didn't help.

Driving home didn't help. In fact, I'm not home yet. Tried to get there, but couldn't stop thinking about Sandusky, so I pulled off Interstate 70. I'm writing this on Sunday afternoon from a gas station parking lot in, let's see, Claysville. So let me go put that in the dateline real quick. All capital letters. OK, there it is. Dateline: CLAYSVILLE, Pa.

That didn't help.

What I need is the psychological equivalent of a sorbet, something to cleanse my mental palate from the gruel I've been feeding it. But that analogy doesn't feel appropriate. Nothing feels appropriate.

A sorbet? I don't need a sorbet. What I need is a lobotomy or a quick case of amnesia. I need to take out my brain -- like Ray Gricar, the district attorney who didn't prosecute Jerry Sandusky in 1998, did with the hard drive of his computer -- and damage it so badly that it won't be able to recall what it's seen and where it's been.

Because what I need is to forget everything I saw over the past week. As it is, I can't get Jerry Sandusky's grinning face out of my head. You've seen the picture, I'm sure, of him and Joe Paterno at a stadium in the late 1990s, the glare turning Paterno's prescription glasses into sunshades, Sandusky grinning into the distance like a hyena. What is he looking at that moment? What is Jerry Sandusky thinking? I don't want to know, but I can't stop wondering.

I want to forget the sight of Sandusky's house in State College, a peaceful, beautiful house at the end of a cul-de-sac, a home and a neighborhood unworthy of someone guilty of the crimes facing Sandusky. I don't even want to write the words for those crimes. Not again. You know what they are.

Me, I can't stop picturing one of the street signs near Sandusky's house, a sign that has the gall to read, "WATCH CHILDREN."

Watch children? Are you kidding me? That can't be the sign down the street from an accused child molester's house. In the last few days, somebody took out one of Sandusky's front windows with a cinder block. That's not the right way to act, but it would be right as rain for the city of State College to remove that sign -- WATCH CHILDREN -- from the neighborhood of Jerry Sandusky.

I feel nauseous.

I've been a wreck, and I know -- I know -- this isn't about me. I've tried to share some of my emotions from the past week on Twitter, and a few of your responses were along the lines of, "Get over yourself. This isn't about you."

Well no s---. I've been in State College, staring at Sandusky's house and reading the accounts of what he has been accused of doing and driving by The Second Mile, Sandusky's foundation for at-risk children that allegedly was his hunting ground for victims. And I've been in tears. The Penn State journalism students in Room 206 of the Carnegie Building saw that. I broke down twice in front of those kids on Friday. Maybe three times. The whole week was a blur, and Lord knows I wasn't the only sportswriter affected. Lots of us were walking around State College in a fog. This can't be real, said the look on lots of media faces.

Anyway, not about me. Got it. But it has taken a toll on me, just as it has taken a toll on anyone who was in town last week. The toll this has taken on the victims, if the charges are true? I can't imagine that toll, but I'll tell you this: As I've been driving on Interstate 70 today through southern Pennsylvania, trying to get home, I've seen several deer on the side of the road. I see those once-beautiful deer, lying there innocently and eternally damaged, and I think of the victims. Beautiful. Innocent. Eternally damaged.

Those have been my thoughts. My dreams? You don't want to know. They've been nightmares, and nothing I'm going to share with you. In a few days I'm supposed to share something else with you, topic to be determined. My next writing slot is Wednesday, when I'm supposed to file a column on something in the sports world. I don't think I can do it. I'm not ready to write on anything else, but I'm sick of writing about Jerry Sandusky.

In fact, I'm sick of writing this. I'm done. Time to get back on the road to wherever I'm going. Time to get away from where I've been.



Category: NCAAF
Comments

Since: Sep 5, 2009
Posted on: June 19, 2012 9:36 am
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

     One completely stupid-ass article.  Why would you get all fired up about a traffic sign, especially one that is designed to protect kids?  And psukchild is not only a troll but a big FAIL at trying to be funny.




Since: Dec 9, 2011
Posted on: December 9, 2011 2:15 pm
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

When McQueary said in the grand jury report that he heard "rythmic slapping" sounds and then saw Sandusky having a** sex with a 10 year old boy, that was a lie perpetrated by the Obama Administration in order to make Republican donor Sandusky look bad. I bet if you look into McQueary's record he probably isn't even an american citizen. Probably just some commie liberal Russian lacky leading a smear campaign.



Since: Nov 17, 2011
Posted on: November 18, 2011 6:08 am
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

What conference is St Mary's in?



Since: Nov 17, 2011
Posted on: November 18, 2011 2:04 am
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

In the game last week the Penn State team put on a brave show under the circumstances in trying to uphold some honor at home. And honor is a major component of football. Now that there is no honor I expect blowouts in the next two weeks as the Penn State innocents go on the road to be like scapegoats in hostile territory for the other innocents. I wouldn't want to be on this team now.  Cancelling next season might not be a bad move either and let the legal process do what needs to be done. Assuming it will.   



Since: Nov 17, 2011
Posted on: November 18, 2011 1:05 am
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

 Motivated Blindne$$   http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefoo

tball/story/mike-mcqueary-what-ange

rs-most-is-they-see-themselves-when

-they-consider-his-actions-in-penn-

state-sex-abuse-scandal-111711/

".......Had McQueary walked in on Sandusky raping a child inside a YMCA locker room, the then-28-year-old McQueary very well may have 

beaten the then-58-year-old, weaponless Sandusky within inches of his life and rescued the young boy.

 It was the workplace environment that ignited McQueary’s Motivated Blindne$$. People, Americans in particular,

are most cowardly when at work. For good reason...."



As one writer for CBS noted, "If Penn State was the Catholic Church, Paterno the Pope and Sandusky a Cardinal, what was

McQueary? " Or words to that effect.

McQueary was like a parrish priest who knew who buttered his dinner rolls.




Since: Nov 17, 2011
Posted on: November 17, 2011 6:15 pm
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

The only thing I can compare this past weekend to was November 22-25, 1963. And I don't even watch football games any more, but push around rankings and bowl projecttions around sort of like my weekly jumble puzzle as I try to figure out the insanity of the BCS. This disaster is going to have no end just like the JFK conspiracy, murder and cover=up. It's much bigger than sport, Sport has become the religion of America with football as the primary denomination that has had it's hypocrisy and conspiracy of silence laid bare. Maybe Penn State ought to join the Ivy League. Can you imagine their games being played in that stadium?  There is no way justice can ever be served even if they erected a scaffold at Beaver Stadium for a public hanging, with Joe-Pa pulling trap door lever to make up for what didn't do. It would be better than Jerry S. making license plates for 15 years. 




Since: Mar 15, 2007
Posted on: November 15, 2011 2:41 pm
 

Not just you Gregg

Many of us have been feeling nauseous and just plain despondent.  The thought of what is still to come out about this is difficult.  I keep thinking that this whole thing is going to blow wide open and we are all going to lose a lot of faith in our fellow man.

As petty as this may sound right now, I hope the NCAA finds a way to strip Paterno of two victories and restore Eddie Robinson's record.  At least we can believe in the basic Robinson.




Since: Nov 4, 2007
Posted on: November 15, 2011 11:23 am
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

Well Doyle, at least you can drive away from the town and the school.   Alot of other people sickened by it don't have that luxury.   I couldn't imagine the horror of having that on my school's head.



Since: Jul 21, 2008
Posted on: November 15, 2011 7:41 am
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

I was talking with a friend about this the other day.  Paterno is not a young man and not necessarily in peak health condition. I hope the stress of this situation does not cause his health to decline.  I would not want that for anyone.  I also want to see the entire situation investigated.  If something happens to Paterno, he will become a martyr.  Additionally, I think it would inhibit a complete investigation to punish those responsible and would not allow Paterno to defend himself if needed. 



Since: Jul 21, 2008
Posted on: November 15, 2011 7:38 am
 

Leaving Sandusky, Pennsylvania

Agree.  Sandusky's recent explanation that he only showered with them sounds like the "I only had 2 beers excuse."  Not only is "just showering" completely inappropriate, I do not believe Sandusky for a minute.  This is abuse of children period.


The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com